Today was one of those days. You know, the kind when you’re woken up by crying children rather than the sun, you stub your toe on the way to the bathroom and you used the teaspoon instead of the tablespoon when measuring out your coffee the night before. I used to feel like I had a story to tell when I had a day like today but now they happen so often they’ve become old hat. Even my husband is bored hearing the same drama day in and day out. I usualy don’t even mention to anyone else that I’m having one of those days unless I feel the need to make an excuse for why my coffee is all over my shirt, why I’m carrying one of my children by his overall straps or why I let the other wear his halloween costume to the grocery store.
About a year and a half ago I had a blog-worthy “one of those days” but since I didn’t have a blog then I wrote an email. I’ll republish it here because it is pretty funny looking back on things…particularly because now I have 3! Did I really think that was a bad day. I guess I was young and naive!
While I don’t have a Blog the last 24 hours of my life have made me consider starting one…and then made me decide I don’t have time. Sorry this is so long. You don’t have to read it but hopefully you’ll find it entertaining if you do.
So last night I get an email from a college friend/bridesmaid saying that she’s flying into Charlotte in 4 hours and would like to spend the night. I tell her I’m happy to have her but that I won’t be home from Prayer Triad until 11:30 and that I have to leave the following morning at 9:25 for preschool. She’s one of those people that I would break my neck to see so I’m excited about the visit but know I’ll be up late.
When I arrive home from prayer, Joe informs me that Bennett screamed the scary scream the ENTIRE 3 hours that I was gone. We finally get him to sleep, Joe goes to bed and Katie & I visit until the wee hours. I go to bed knowing I’ll have to get up at 6 in order to finish a project I had promised a client earlier that day.
I wake up this morning at 5:30 completely wiped out so I ask Joe to call and wake me up at 7 so I can get some sleep but still have some time to work. 7:00 comes…no phone call. 8:15 comes and I wake up in a panic. Bennett is crying, I haven’t pumped in 9 hours, I desperately need to shower (you know for me that’s bad) and I need to pack Bradley’s lunch along with all the other normal morning activities. I also can’t get Joe on his mobile or work number which makes me feel a little freaked out. Oh, and I’m gushing blood…who starts their period 7 weeks after giving birth?. So after draining my engorged self I pick Bennett up out of the swing (where he’s been sleeping for the last few weeks) to find that he’s drenched and smells really funky. I move the blanket that was under him to find the swing covered in black and purple furry mold and mildew. I’m not sure how I let that happen. I carefully remove the cover, sop up the nasty moldy liquid that had settled into the plastic part of the seat and proceed to the bathroom to give Bennett a bath in the sink. After taking a shower I go into Bradley’s room to find him completely naked with a ripped off diaper that’s dry as a bone. This tells me that he stripped before he went to sleep the night before. Of course he had peed all over the sheets I had just washed the day before. Changing his bed is not my favorite task since it involves more laundry and constructing a complicated tent structure that he insists on having up at all times. I finish getting ready and Katie holds Bennett in order to prevent a melt down while she sits with Bradley at the breakfast table (he can’t eat alone for some reason).
We finally get in the car. Bradley is covered in Molasses and screaming that he wants “special water” (water with juice) not “clain water” (plain water), which I can do nothing about as the only two liquids I have in the house are water and Windex. He is being difficult when we arrive (as usual), so handing off a package to Hope and a check to Jennifer seem like monumental tasks at the moment. Katie sits in the car with Bennett while I walk Bradley in to class.
(Now for the smooth normal part of my day) I drop Katie back at the house, drive Bennett to Jen’s and go to counseling. Counseling is “good” but I’m at the stage where it’s no longer fun so I lose my appetite until I walked into Bruegger’s to see that everything Bagels are HOT. I pick up lunch for Jen & I and head to her house. When I arrive she informs me that he smiled at her all morning. He still hasn’t smiled at me… I am convinced that he doesn’t care for me.
We leave Jen’s and realize I only have 20 minutes until I need to pick up Bradley but I must go to the store so I can make a meal for the Osborns. After pretending to play super market sweep I hit every red light on my way to Forest Hill. Fortunately I am only a few minutes late. Most days Bradley has a temper tantrum on the way in and out of preschool and today is not a day I could risk that happening so in my state of desperation I decide that the Jelly bean laying on the ground under the table in the breezeway is the perfect bribe to get him to the car without a melt down. (Yes I’m serious and it worked).
When we get home Katie is still there (much to my surprise as she was headed to Columbia to be in a wedding). I unload the groceries from the car and am eager to get Bradley down for his nap (a 30 minute ritual) so I can pump and start cooking. He continues to insist that we go outside to swing so I give in since I know it will be raining when he gets up. After 10 minutes or so we turn to walk back in and realize that we had completely closed the back door when Katie came out to join us. I think, “no big deal I’ll just go in the front door.”…Locked. So I get in the garage to go through the laundry room…Locked. Maybe a window would be open…all Locked…except Bradley’s room on the second floor. I get the ladder out of the garage, carry it to the backyard and lean it against the house. I take Bennett from Katie so she can try one more window that I can’t reach (she’s a good foot and a half taller than I am). Bradley proceeds toward the ladder with the intent to climb it. As it begins to fall on him somehow I catch it with one hand (the only super mom thing I did all day) but it still hit him pretty hard and he screamed and cried like he was really hurt (he was fine). In the meantime Bennett also starts to scream and it begins to rain. Somehow I manage to get on the roof (it’s the most athletic thing I’ve done postpartum) and feeling so relieved I go to open Bradley’s window. It opens about 3 inches and then I remember that my dad had put screws in it so Bradley couldn’t open it all the way. So feeling screwed myself I grab the crow bar from the garage and force the downstairs bathroom window open by breaking the lock. I’ve never been so glad to have broken something in all my life.
Feeling even more eager to get Bradley down for his nap I race him up the stairs, perform the nap routine and leave him crying (also part of the routine). On my way down the stairs I look outside to see someone pulling up in the driveway. Who could it be? It was Lisa Stewart. How wonderful. My house is the biggest disaster it’s EVER been (no exaggeration). I’ll be so proud. We have a good visit but once she leaves I only had 30 minutes to make dinner and Bradley and Bennett are both awake and crying. I finally get Bradley up so I only have to hear one child crying and he decides to take off his diaper and go to the bathroom in the toilet. He does pee but then he wants to stay “skinny” (which means naked) and I just don’t have the energy to fight him. I realize it’s a bad idea when he says “it’s spilling” and I turn to watch him pooping on the carpet. I go to clean it up when Joe calls to ask if I would mind if he stays at work for 5 more hours. From this point on I decide that everything will just be funny so I say “sure, stay there all night”.
By this time it’s pouring rain but we all make it out to the car (an hour late) to drop off the meal. Note to self: When a Paper Bag gets wet the bottom will fall out. Enough said.
To finish off my wonderful day, Bradley decides that he’d like to play in the mud. Joe just aerated the yard so we have serious mud but at this point I no longer care what he does I just know I have to feed Bennett who is clearly starving to death. So… We all head upstairs to the bathroom, Bradley covered in mud, Bennett screaming the scary scream, and me about to explode, where I give Bradley a bath with one hand, pump with the other and give Bennett a bottle with my foot.
Tomorrow will be a better day!